Tumour Part Deux

The thing I like the most about Radiotherapy is seeing the scans that they use, and today I had more things explained to me. 

So the tumour that is a new one is in the Cerebellum. That section controls balance, but the tumour is so small that it wouldn't affect anything right now - we've caught it very early. (the original tumour is in the frontal lobe)

I've had a few Radiotherapy sessions in this new batch and got to see my scans today - and it's in a different place to where I thought. The cerebellum is a bit lower - and yes, getting near the spinal cord.  This also helped me understand why I am only having two weeks rather than three - because it could damage that area. So I have to try and be positive because I don't know what else to be. It took until 3am before I got to sleep last night. 

You have so much whizzing around your head, so when it stops and you sleep and you process the day's happenings, it's difficult when the happenings aren't the greatest. 

"Pallative" though. Everything is Pallative. Not end of life pallative, just treating the tumours pallative. 

I'm not sad, just thoughtful. Dealing with my thoughts and getting things in order. 

Nausea and Dry Legs

Oh my word, did the nausea make an appearance. No sickness, just feeling nauseous. 

But it's affecting what I eat (again). So I guess that's a Radiotherapy side effect making a return there. 

So... I'm back on dexamethasone (sad times) at 4mg a day (that I just weaned off), and I'm taking more drugs which have very long names that I can't remember what they are.  Fortunately I now have a spreadsheet with a description saying what each tablet actually is. 

Flipping dexamethasone though. And all the others. 

I had my dermatology appointment today - and the doc was impressed I had so many photos of my side effects. I have dry legs apparently, so have been prescribed more creams which will help. So I'll be reporting back on that in a few days... 

I tell you what though, feeling nauseous and having the world's worst itchy legs is not a great combination. At all. 

More trips to hospital....

So tomorrow as well as continuing with radiotherapy (which is kind of weird as the laser/zapper is at a different angle), I have my first Dermatology appointment. 

Which is a bit of a pain, as all the reactions I've been having are calming down now. I'm hoping it won't be put down to "A chemo allergy, let's see what happens" and that actually when the appointment begins, I hope my legs flare up with the mother of all itches so they can see what has been happening. 

The only thing that calms it down is a hot bath soak, and at night some of the foot cream I bought a couple of weeks ago. My skin on my feet has almost finished peeling off (such a lovely sight) so it's not even like I can show that. BUT I am good and I take photos of these things. So instead I'll label those..

It was weird being back in the Radiotherapy dept and seeing some of the Radiographers who obviously don't recognise me (although someone did in my new Radiotherapy room and I only went there before Christmas!) - but nice to be back in there. Everyone is so friendly. 

Right, off to label photos... lucky me. 

Dance Dance Dance to the Radio (therapy)

Radiotherapy will recommence soon. I've had my mask fitting so things should move quickly which is good news. 

Having my mask fitting a second time was weird - I don't remember it being like that the first time, but maybe it was just my rubbish memory and it has been so long ago. 

They asked if I wanted music then forgot to put it on - though I had earplugs and headphones to drown out the clanking ("is that a machine working?!" I asked a radiographer when I was there recently, outside another radiotherapy room. It is loud, incredibly loud). I was looking forward to a bit of smooth eighties movie soundtrack style tunes. 

Anyway, Radiotherapy will recommence soon. Two weeks only. I'm not stressing about it because I like going there (we have normal conversations, although I'm in a different room this time) and because I refuse to think about outcomes and why I'm there. Hopefully by the end tumour #2 will have been blitzed. 

Yes, tumour #2. I don't know what this all means, I'll only know after radiotherapy finishes and I have another MRI (hopefully with music this time). It's very small and we've caught it early. I've been told I won't lose hair with this radiotherapy so let's hope that's the case. 

Sponsorship

I will always and forever feel really awkward about asking people to sponsor me. I guess it comes from the side of my personality which doesn't like to shout about things - I'm one of those people who prefers to stay in the background.

However, when husband and the teen are doing something to raise funds and I physically can't do it then it is worth shouting about. I'm just out of practice. 

But then I was too shy to tell work, for ages. Husband finally got me to do it - and oh lordy, I've just had to bump up my target to £1400 (from £500) because husband mentioned it to his work too and those sponsors keep coming in - which is awesome. 

I wish I could do it, though as I can't I'm going to look after my nephew and we'll get a cab down to the hospital when the family get near the end and meet up with them. 

I'm hoping the weather holds out.... 

Diabetes

I had my phone call with the diabetic doctor today. It was an interesting call - mainly as I got a lot of answers to questions I hadn't thought about properly up to now, or had only rambled on about here. 

In summary, I can lower my insulin further as I'm managing with the decrease fine. However, my doc wants me to do a blood sugar test an hour or two after food - which should say whether I'm diabetic or not. I couldn't work out why, and mentioned how my consultant had said I probably am diabetic now as I'm not reacting while I'm still taking insulin. It didn't make sense to me, so I asked the doc what she might have meant. 

So... the insulin I have is a slow one which releases the insulin over a 24 hour period. (I didn't know this but it makes sense) because it's a slow release injection there's very little chance of me ever having a hypo. If I was using the fast insulin then it's more likely, but I've only ever used it 2 or 3 times in the last almost seven months. 

Doc suggested that I do one test a day after food which will give me more of an idea if I'm diabetic or not - if it's over 7 I have diabetes. If it's under 7 then I don't.** So I did that after lunch today (a cheese toastie and a pack of healthy crisps), and my reading came in - 6.7! So that's great, and is making me feel positive. 

Anyway, we both decided* that my diabetes check should happen when the radiotherapy session finishes. 

* Okay, it was just the doc. 

** two days later, two under 7 results, it's looking promising....

Fine.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine"

Is the general conversation I have with most people at the moment. Then I remember. I have brain cancer and they're being caring and polite. So I then have to add

"apart from the old brain tumour, aahahaahahaha"

which then leaves me feeling like I have a terrible sense of humour. Although I'd like to think people going through this might take up this level of humour so I'm not the only person. 

So how am I?

Overall, I feel normal. I don't feel like anything weird is going on with me. Then I feel my head, then I have a sit down after a walk and I seize up. I move around a fair bit, probably not as much as the hospital would like me to but I do. "Oh yeah, I have cancer" goes my brain, forever forgetful of random things. 

I think because I only dwell on it some of the time (like now, writing about it) that I don't give myself the headspace to get angry at it all. I think this could come in the future, but right now it isn't needed. I need to be strong and to work through this. The doctors, nurses, consultants all nod positively when we're at an appointment and I tell them this. "You've a good attitude towards it" they ask, before then checking "have you had any seizures? have you collapsed?" sort of questions, all of which are answered "no, no, no" 

Today I had a covid booster, went to the local centre with husband. He wasn't allowed to have one though (yet). The government have changed the criteria and as he's only my carer rather than someone with a condition he doesn't qualify. To that, I say "tsk!" though I know it's not the centre's problem - it's coming from higher up. 

I was told to bring prescriptions to prove that I need the vaccine, so carefully picked out some bits. They didn't ask, they never have done. Good job I didn't bring the lot!