"How are you?"
"I'm fine"
Is the general conversation I have with most people at the moment. Then I remember. I have brain cancer and they're being caring and polite. So I then have to add
"apart from the old brain tumour, aahahaahahaha"
which then leaves me feeling like I have a terrible sense of humour. Although I'd like to think people going through this might take up this level of humour so I'm not the only person.
So how am I?
Overall, I feel normal. I don't feel like anything weird is going on with me. Then I feel my head, then I have a sit down after a walk and I seize up. I move around a fair bit, probably not as much as the hospital would like me to but I do. "Oh yeah, I have cancer" goes my brain, forever forgetful of random things.
I think because I only dwell on it some of the time (like now, writing about it) that I don't give myself the headspace to get angry at it all. I think this could come in the future, but right now it isn't needed. I need to be strong and to work through this. The doctors, nurses, consultants all nod positively when we're at an appointment and I tell them this. "You've a good attitude towards it" they ask, before then checking "have you had any seizures? have you collapsed?" sort of questions, all of which are answered "no, no, no"
Today I had a covid booster, went to the local centre with husband. He wasn't allowed to have one though (yet). The government have changed the criteria and as he's only my carer rather than someone with a condition he doesn't qualify. To that, I say "tsk!" though I know it's not the centre's problem - it's coming from higher up.
I was told to bring prescriptions to prove that I need the vaccine, so carefully picked out some bits. They didn't ask, they never have done. Good job I didn't bring the lot!
