chemo day one

My face flushed the brightest of reds while I shivered and tried to feel normal. 

I went to bed a bit later than usual (we're talking 10/15 minutes) and popped to the toilet, where I had an overwhelming urge to vomit.

Which I sort of did but didn't. It was enough that I needed to get to bed (which is quite cool temperature wise). 

I took the same dose of chemo (220mg) and anti sickness meds. Let's see how we get on tonight.... 

In bed and I didn't get to sleep until 7am. I spent the entire night scratching my itches, particularly the palms of my hands. 

I had a late bath yesterday, where the veins in my legs stood out. This was pre chemo, so not sure what's going on there. 

Swollen eyes too. 

Hospital Stuff

Went in for my April appointment today, where things are now different within the hospital. I had been given a bloods appointment but knew their systems well enough that it wouldn't be an actual appointment in my name. Probably. 

So instead husband got me a number ticket, and I queued to check in. Which went okay, other than we were waiting in the bloods area for about an hour and a half. Long. This meant the actual appointment I definitely had I was then running late for. Which I probably forgot to apologise for. Sorry. 

Waiting in the blood rooms isn't the most exciting of things. Fortunately we both had our phones charged. Unfortunately all the games I wanted to play wouldn't connect to the internet. Never mind. 

To add to the general chaos of it all, I didn't have an appointment on my records. The hospital app shows one, so my blood test nurse had to find a doctor or consultant to be able to make it visible so she could extract some blood. Incidentally, chatting with a mum who has had cancer, she has been told she can never donate blood again. So that's something I can't start, because I'm fairly certain they'll tell me the same. 

The appointment was added, the blood test taken, I headed to the area for my second appointment and got a "Oh thank god! We didn't know where you were!" sort of reaction (which was quite nice!). Got sorted there and we decided that I should stay on the same level of chemotherapy as last time because of the rash, lack of appetite, sleeplessness... I'm happy with that. 

While we were there my up to date platelet levels came in, and are looking better than they have for a while. They're not perfect but they're moving in the right direction. This new app the hospital is using gives you test results though all I got was glucose. It seemed high, but I'm not sure if that's because I'm still taking insulin every morning (which I don't think I need to).

Anyway, altogether we were in the hospital for a Very Long Time. My prescription is now ready to be picked up so I can restart my chemo today. It's all good. 

Yet again I have forgotten to do a blood sugar reading before eating. It's so annoying, though most of the time you have a rough idea what it would be. Bloody annoying though. 

Forgetfulness

Earlier today I mentioned to husband that we hadn't eaten the other half of the lemon tart we bought on Monday. 

"What do you mean?" he asked. 

So I patiently told him we bought a lemon tart in Waitrose on Monday. And that we still had half of it to eat.

"Your memory is getting bad again" he told me. Very simply. He's right. I had a good think and was able to visualise eating the other half of the lemon tart and remember eating it with husband and the teen.

So all is not lost, but this is the kind of thing I'm forgetting. More frequently than I used to. 

It's a bit weird. It isn't listed as a side effect of the chemo that I'm on. 

Daytime tv adverts

If I had ever forgotten about things such as making sure my life is organised or that I've given husband all the permissions he might need, daytime tv reminds me every fifteen minutes or so. 

If I'm not being asked to donate money from my wages (umm, my rental part on the house just went up by almost £100 this year, so no chance), I'm being encouraged to leave them some in my will. 

Oh and if I don't have a will then there's a list as long as your arm of places that will help. 

Don't think a will is going to help though when it comes to anything tricky that I can't answer for myself. We'll also need a power of attorney for both of us. Luckily there is a list as long as my other arm of people offering to do that for you too. 

The advert that REALLY gets me is the lady playing hide and seek with her granddaughter. "How old am I? Fifty!" she says, looking not a day over sixty five. Honestly, if they targeted these ads a little better they might actually get me to part with some cash. (while I still have some, see above note about the rental on this house).  I shouldn't judge people on appearances, but honestly, I look teenage alongside this lady - though that might be my hair (or lack of) helping there...

This is also the point where I point out the 'On the Beach' ad is still the most annoying on TV at the moment. 

Itchy World of Pain

Oh my word. The itching. It was a whole new level of torture under my skin with no creams stopping it, just giving me a break until tiredness took over.

I am aware I'm scratching, itching my arms, legs, elbows until they hurt because I'm too tired to put more cream on. 

That what's left of my hair is probably hairs and flakes because there's not a lot up there right now, so hairs fall out with a lump of flaky scalp at the same time. 

I'm hoping tonight will be better. All I do is moan on here. 

Date and Day

It has started again. Today I was convinced it was Sunday. That the teen wasn't at school (she was) and we were going to do something fun 

Except it's Tuesday, the teen was at school and I have no idea why my head is doing this.

There's a couple of entirely reasonable explanations. One is the tumour is growing (all tests post-op would say otherwise), or I need to be on a low steroid dose. OR I need to lower the insulin I'm taking (hopefully this is the problem). 

Anyway, there's another one to mull over all night and not sleep very well. Tsk. 

Hairloss Update

Oh, so here's a good one - some good news at last. My hairloss has really slowed down - I'm not getting as much hair coming off on my brush every day. Having said that, as my hair is now so thin maybe it's because there isn't as much to fall out? 

A photo which isn't an easy one to identify me, but you can see where my hairline went to, and how thin my hair now is. 

It then gets scary. What style should I get my hair cut? I mean, I'm facing up to losing a lot. I had a lot of hair once (read - six months ago). There are so many chemo hairstyle suggestion websites but I'm in the 'shave it all off and wait for it to grow' phase of it all. Probably. Then I have to visit my mum as it has been a very long time since I've been face to face with her. "Oh hi mum, I just fancied a shorter hairdo" probably isn't going to work. 

I've still got time to work on that one anyway.