Forgetfulness

Earlier today I mentioned to husband that we hadn't eaten the other half of the lemon tart we bought on Monday. 

"What do you mean?" he asked. 

So I patiently told him we bought a lemon tart in Waitrose on Monday. And that we still had half of it to eat.

"Your memory is getting bad again" he told me. Very simply. He's right. I had a good think and was able to visualise eating the other half of the lemon tart and remember eating it with husband and the teen.

So all is not lost, but this is the kind of thing I'm forgetting. More frequently than I used to. 

It's a bit weird. It isn't listed as a side effect of the chemo that I'm on. 

Daytime tv adverts

If I had ever forgotten about things such as making sure my life is organised or that I've given husband all the permissions he might need, daytime tv reminds me every fifteen minutes or so. 

If I'm not being asked to donate money from my wages (umm, my rental part on the house just went up by almost £100 this year, so no chance), I'm being encouraged to leave them some in my will. 

Oh and if I don't have a will then there's a list as long as your arm of places that will help. 

Don't think a will is going to help though when it comes to anything tricky that I can't answer for myself. We'll also need a power of attorney for both of us. Luckily there is a list as long as my other arm of people offering to do that for you too. 

The advert that REALLY gets me is the lady playing hide and seek with her granddaughter. "How old am I? Fifty!" she says, looking not a day over sixty five. Honestly, if they targeted these ads a little better they might actually get me to part with some cash. (while I still have some, see above note about the rental on this house).  I shouldn't judge people on appearances, but honestly, I look teenage alongside this lady - though that might be my hair (or lack of) helping there...

This is also the point where I point out the 'On the Beach' ad is still the most annoying on TV at the moment. 

Itchy World of Pain

Oh my word. The itching. It was a whole new level of torture under my skin with no creams stopping it, just giving me a break until tiredness took over.

I am aware I'm scratching, itching my arms, legs, elbows until they hurt because I'm too tired to put more cream on. 

That what's left of my hair is probably hairs and flakes because there's not a lot up there right now, so hairs fall out with a lump of flaky scalp at the same time. 

I'm hoping tonight will be better. All I do is moan on here. 

Date and Day

It has started again. Today I was convinced it was Sunday. That the teen wasn't at school (she was) and we were going to do something fun 

Except it's Tuesday, the teen was at school and I have no idea why my head is doing this.

There's a couple of entirely reasonable explanations. One is the tumour is growing (all tests post-op would say otherwise), or I need to be on a low steroid dose. OR I need to lower the insulin I'm taking (hopefully this is the problem). 

Anyway, there's another one to mull over all night and not sleep very well. Tsk. 

Hairloss Update

Oh, so here's a good one - some good news at last. My hairloss has really slowed down - I'm not getting as much hair coming off on my brush every day. Having said that, as my hair is now so thin maybe it's because there isn't as much to fall out? 

A photo which isn't an easy one to identify me, but you can see where my hairline went to, and how thin my hair now is. 

It then gets scary. What style should I get my hair cut? I mean, I'm facing up to losing a lot. I had a lot of hair once (read - six months ago). There are so many chemo hairstyle suggestion websites but I'm in the 'shave it all off and wait for it to grow' phase of it all. Probably. Then I have to visit my mum as it has been a very long time since I've been face to face with her. "Oh hi mum, I just fancied a shorter hairdo" probably isn't going to work. 

I've still got time to work on that one anyway. 

Flaky Palms

Did I mention my flaky Palms?

The softer side of my hand is trying to make the evil rash go away 

The rougher palm of my hand has what looks like skin when a blister has been popped. (Nothing of the sort has happened)

I have more MooGoo cream to soothe my evil prickly body which refuses to sleep because it wants to annoy me. 

The main issue is it feels like I need four different creams to make it all go away until the next time...

Mini Skin Cycle

I just checked, a normal, full skin cycle is 28 days. I know this isn't the case for my weird skin at the moment though. 

Currently I have one hand which is living the later day of the rash, where spots no longer really resemble spots and look more like light skin ulcers. I've been using my National Trust Orange hand cream which seems to be helping. My other hand is fine. 

It's a bit weird, but then having gone through it between Christmas and New Year, I know that chemotherapy and I don't always get on very well. We've got to have the rash, the electric shock feeling and the broken nights sleep. It's all part of the process and now I understand why I get three 'recovery' weeks. It's so I'm lulled into a false sense of security and I forget how inconvenient and irritating having rubbish skin is. 

If I was to have a full 28 day skin cycle then I'd be finishing my chemo week while simultaneously recovering from the previous one. Too confusing. 

My upper back is the only area which is itching slightly (not enough to stop me sleeping - go me, went from midnight to 7.30am this morning) so things are moving, changing - but I know all too well that if something goes, it's likely something is about to appear elsewhere. 

Anyway, I thought what better excuse to write about my rash-covered-hand, eh?

(this is where I should add a photo when my phone is charged)