Second Tumour Stuff

Last week I finished my second session of Radiotherapy. I kept it quiet, apart from a handful of people because I felt a bit like I had failed myself and I didn't need to tell everyone (this happens at times, okay?). 

Initially it was going to be three weeks, but the location of the new tumour (which is still quite small) was close to my spinal cord, so it was decided to make it two weeks and hope for the best. 

I asked my neuro nurse whether my upcoming MRI will show any improvement with the new tumour, and was told that it's unlikely we'll see anything as the imaging will be fuzzy. That's a new one on me, so another to add to the list of things to learn about. 

Neuro nurse said I'm doing extremely well with the treatment - especially as I've had no seizures which I swear they think I should have had by now, the amount of times I'm asked. I've had my nausea/food aversion period, and I feel like I might be going back into the dry skin phase now. Fortunately I have all the moisturisers ever because I'm a sucker for stuff like that. 

We chatted more, and there's a chance I might be on a different chemotherapy fairly soon. I think this is to zap tumour #1 (aka Greebo) and who knows what it'll do to tumour #2 (unnamed). 

I have two Radiotherapy masks now. Got to think of names for them. The only names that come to mind are Hinge & Bracket.  

The Hunger

My hunger issues appear to be over. However, in place of this is the need to be eating all the time, ever.

Right now I want Pringles. It is a bad idea for me to have Pringles as I've just done my blood sugar test and it was high (we had a Greek lunch). But I need to eat. My tastebuds are dictating they need a slightly cheesy crispy thing and they need it now. 

So I have to pretend I'm not hungry and don't need this food more than anything else ever. I distract myself, classic distraction technique, watch some crappy tv to make me think of other things.

But still the taste of the Pringles is in my head. 

I am grateful I seem to be eating normally, but resentful of the Pringles cravings I'm having. At least they're on offer with the supermarket at the moment...

In summary, I'm a diabetic (insulin controlled) as I'm back on steroids and my diet needs to improve. As in, no Pringles. So I think I've done okay today denying this craving. 

A Long Weekend

I like how when we get an extra day off, a bank holiday it's classed as a long weekend. It also means I have no radiotherapy on Monday because of this - so all back to normal on Tuesday. 

That extra day makes all the difference. 

I can tell I've got a dry cough, not sure if it's hayfever or an actual cold but as I'm so close to the end of this phase of treatment I'm hopeful things will be fine, especially with the extra day. Oh and a nice sunny weekend and a child-free weekend too as she's going off on her practice trek for Duke of Edinburgh Bronze. 

So it feels like it could be a nice time to just slow down, eat well and relax. 

(and miss my child)

Side-effect wise, everything feels normal again other than not being able to sleep properly. My legs are a little bit dry, remedied with some moisturising cream I've been prescribed, and a drowsy antihistamine. I get there in the end, though last night slept from around 11pm until 6.30am which was the old sleep patterns I had back in the pre-brain-injury days. I'm sure tonight it'll get wonky again. I'm sure. 

So this phase of treatment will end soon, then more MRI scans to see if it did any good. Then we'll know more. My sister asked if all the waiting was frustrating, but I don't think about it. I don't think it would be helpful - we get the info when we get it (so to speak). They moved me forward with this Radiotherapy as there was a space and accommodated what needed doing. 

So yeah, who knows what happens next? 

What Date is It?

Well, considering I wasn't sure what day it was yesterday, it now appears I've lost a whole date. I'm not sure how. 

I log my blood sugars three times a day - all for the diabetes reporting of course. But today as I put in the next date, the 22nd May, I realised it is in fact the 23rd. I'm not aware of missing a day - lord knows I'd happily skip a day if I could. But it's not there, it's missing. The 22nd definitely happened because it was yesterday and I had a friend pop over for a catch up - so I didn't sleep through it or anything (if only). 

It's a bit weird. Not losing sleep weird, but weird. 

What Day Is It?

I know it's Monday, I got so confused. Looked at my spreadsheet diary and couldn't work out why I didn't have an appointment today, until husband pointed out it's the 22nd and actually I do. 

I've had a few unsettled nights sleep these last few nights. Lots going on in my head and I've also been busy too. As long as I turn up where I'm meant to be things are good. 

The joy in life is putting on a Eurovision playlist that we created years ago and which I add songs to. So we had fun singing along to 'Cha Cha Cha' even though we can't do any of the Finnish parts. I keep singing 'Poe Poe Poe' to the tune of 'No Limits' by 2 Unlimited which winds up the teen. If you can get your laughter that way, then why not? I have to keep laughing. 

Anyway, it's Monday and another week begins. I have a friend visiting later and I'm looking forward to it. It's all good.

Nails.

The latest side effect is ridges on my nails - see the photo. These weren't on my nails yesterday. Weirdness...

Fortunately my sister was around to take a nice macro picture of them. And a crumb. 

Tumour Part Deux

The thing I like the most about Radiotherapy is seeing the scans that they use, and today I had more things explained to me. 

So the tumour that is a new one is in the Cerebellum. That section controls balance, but the tumour is so small that it wouldn't affect anything right now - we've caught it very early. (the original tumour is in the frontal lobe)

I've had a few Radiotherapy sessions in this new batch and got to see my scans today - and it's in a different place to where I thought. The cerebellum is a bit lower - and yes, getting near the spinal cord.  This also helped me understand why I am only having two weeks rather than three - because it could damage that area. So I have to try and be positive because I don't know what else to be. It took until 3am before I got to sleep last night. 

You have so much whizzing around your head, so when it stops and you sleep and you process the day's happenings, it's difficult when the happenings aren't the greatest. 

"Pallative" though. Everything is Pallative. Not end of life pallative, just treating the tumours pallative. 

I'm not sad, just thoughtful. Dealing with my thoughts and getting things in order.