Steroid Reduction

This morning I've had my first steroid reduction, down from 2mg to 1.5mg. This is going to be a long, slow, gradual reduction as if you do it too drastically you can end up having to increase your dose back to what it used to be. It's a week by week thing, which quite frankly if you're me, each week is flying by but now we're talking about reducing medication it feels like everything is a million years in the future. 

I'm twiddling my thumbs waiting to see if my head wants to have a headache or just get on with things - so far it's the latter. Keep it up, head. 

I've noticed over the last week my appetite has gone back to how it was before all this happened. On Saturday I ate so much more than usual I felt uncomfortably full - and that was the first time I had done that since last October. My appetite was fine, I just couldn't eat a lot at once - whereas this was a proper stuff your face I-NEED-FOOD sort of thing 

The only thing which makes sense is the chemotherapy and radiotherapy leaving my system - that's another one to look into. 

One thing I'm mentioning now, I'm becoming a bit forgetful again. Random words, chatting and stumbling over words. I think it's tiredness rather than anything more serious, but we all know what happened last time when I thought it was menopause rather than a bloody brain tumour. 

One

 Since the detection of the brain tumour I've noticed something weird with my head. There's always an uneven number of something and I need to find a single thing to make that uneven number even. 

That's probably the clumsiest way of explaining it - it is never anything that matters, always something that can be forgotten, often forgotten straight away other than I need one to keep things even. So my dreams are the quest for the single thing to make things okay again. If things are wonky then maybe it's a bad luck thing? I'm not about to try and find out, I know it's nonsense and something which has no meaning with anything, but it's a recurring dream which keeps coming back. 

The odd thing is I can never remember what the single thing is I need, but I get it. Then what? Dream forgotten, gone until the next time it comes back. Every-single-time. Every-single-night. 

I'd love to know what it means. It'll be mind games, the single thing being the path out of tumour land (which is unlikely to ever disappear until it takes me away) - and while I can find that single something in my dreams it's all okay, there's hope. Maybe. Hopefully. 

It is really odd though. I remember being in hospital at St Helier and trying to find the something I needed which took longer than usual. St George's? Yep, again, found it, a bit quicker this time as the ward was quieter and there was less other noise going on. 

So now at home it just comes every night. "Hello! You have uneven somethings and we need this single something to make it even then you can sleep again and not worry about things. Do hurry and find it, okay?"

I wish I knew what it all related to and why it's always needing just one. I'm not about to spend time figuring it out, I just wish it didn't happen every single night!