One

 Since the detection of the brain tumour I've noticed something weird with my head. There's always an uneven number of something and I need to find a single thing to make that uneven number even. 

That's probably the clumsiest way of explaining it - it is never anything that matters, always something that can be forgotten, often forgotten straight away other than I need one to keep things even. So my dreams are the quest for the single thing to make things okay again. If things are wonky then maybe it's a bad luck thing? I'm not about to try and find out, I know it's nonsense and something which has no meaning with anything, but it's a recurring dream which keeps coming back. 

The odd thing is I can never remember what the single thing is I need, but I get it. Then what? Dream forgotten, gone until the next time it comes back. Every-single-time. Every-single-night. 

I'd love to know what it means. It'll be mind games, the single thing being the path out of tumour land (which is unlikely to ever disappear until it takes me away) - and while I can find that single something in my dreams it's all okay, there's hope. Maybe. Hopefully. 

It is really odd though. I remember being in hospital at St Helier and trying to find the something I needed which took longer than usual. St George's? Yep, again, found it, a bit quicker this time as the ward was quieter and there was less other noise going on. 

So now at home it just comes every night. "Hello! You have uneven somethings and we need this single something to make it even then you can sleep again and not worry about things. Do hurry and find it, okay?"

I wish I knew what it all related to and why it's always needing just one. I'm not about to spend time figuring it out, I just wish it didn't happen every single night!