What actually goes on in my head is the idea that someone somewhere made up a story and it has been passed down through the years, and it's the bible.
My 13yo basically told me this story too and explained why she's a non-believer. She did it way more eloquently than I currently can. I'm pretty sure I haven't influenced her in any way, besides, I've lost the ability to express myself like I used to.
Sometimes I walk into a church or cathedral and it truly is a work of art, depicting stories from the bible within. You know, if you like that and it moves you that's great - it's probably up there with me having something I love and it being around me. We're all different and it's good.
The thing I'm finding difficult at the moment are a lot of the support groups. A lot of messages ask for prayers to their god and how could god be so cruel to inflict this tumour on their relative?
Everyone is different with this tumour, there's one common thing. We've all had evil treatment to make the evil tumour go away. But we all know it doesn't go away forever unless you're lucky. Like, 5% lucky.
Otherwise this is a tumour which will be a nuisance and will insist on you having other operations, it'll try to weaken you and if you're really unlucky the steroids you're on will also give you diabetes - and you have to wean yourself off the steroids carefully otherwise you might have seizures.
I've never had a seizure, so I'm not sure what to expect should it happen. On saying that I might just stick with diabetes and steroids for a while instead.
Tomorrow we find out more about my head. We find out about the chemo I'll be on and how I might react. I hope.
I'm not being ungrateful about god, btw. Just thinking out loud.
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