Battle! Fight!

One thing that bugs me a lot, when other people describe someone who has been diagnosed with cancer, they'll tend to refer to it as 

"(insert name here) and their brave cancer battle"

or

"Fighting cancer - what a warrior" sort of stuff. 

I can hereby confirm I have not yet had a battle nor do I feel like a warrior. I feel like me. Boring, ordinary old me. I just have this crappy thing in my head which I can't forget about easily. 

The crappy thing will remain in my head, and I should find out how things are going fairly soon. Hopefully the crappy thing won't have grown but let's not think about that right now. 

My days are spent working through my to-do list and trying to move around as much as possible - which is easier when the teen isn't at school (strikes, nothing more sinister). Also, Daytime TV. It's generally awful, however I've been able to pass on words of wisdom to a few people with things I've spotted. So yeah. 

It doesn't seem like a battle. The only time I feel something is when I want to fall asleep or my legs seize up when we're out of the house. 

I remember wondering what it would be like to have a month off work, but couldn't ever do it. Here I am six months off work and okay, I'm recouperating and learning what I can or can't do (DRIVE! DRIVE!), but I do miss not being around people. 

Tiger Bread Feet

So after hating my now-healed hands, the dryness has spread to my feet. 

Cracked palms vs cracked soles, the feet lose big time. So off to the chemist I go for a decent foot cream that I'm able to use. My toes are peeling, my soles are dry and spiky. Truly, chemo side effects are no fun. They're talking about increasing my dose for the next batch. 

In other news, I have a rash all over my neck. We all know what's going to happen next, don't we? 

(p.s. this is not a good photo of the rash, it's way more defined but you get the idea)

Farewell (I hope) Insulin....

Had a phone call with the Diabetic Doctor this morning to talk about lowering my Insulin I take every day. 

The only reason I started Insulin was due to the steroids I was taking (not any more though) raising my blood sugar levels. I haven't taken any steroids for ages now. Absolutely ages. So my logic was that if I'm not taking what gave me diabetes, why am I injecting myself with Insulin every day? It doesn't make sense. 

Unless what I've been told is wrong, of course. My blood sugar readings are around the 5 mark, rarely lower or higher than that - it all feels very average now. 

ANYWAY the doctors is just as annoying as the hospital when it comes to messages about things. So far I've had one on my email, one on my text messages on my phone and I'm not sure where the next one will come from. They keep me on my toes, I guess.... 

Dates

Good lord, I'm still bad with dates. In all my calendars I had my next hospital appointment as a certain day, when actually, it's the day before. It was only because a nurse phoned me to ask me to go in earlier for a blood test which is to be discussed in the second appointment. 

I'm relieved the hospital now has an app I can cross-reference and I'm also glad that I get phone calls like this - I feel so disorganised. 

I have a spreadsheet with every single appointment that we all have so I keep on top of it, as well as duplicating that information in my Calendar. It (mostly) works, I print out the spreadsheet and keep it with me when I'm making other appointments.

Or I make appointments for school holidays and then realise I'll probably be at work. (it's okay, I have annual leave). 

Anyway, just logging dates are getting muddled again. I bet I've already done this and I've forgotten. 

Happy Birthday to Me.

Yesterday was my 53rd birthday. Who'd have thought that I'd have had a nice, fairly quiet one? 

My sister and nephews visited and brought presents - including a life-sized cardboard cutout of Buddy the Elf from the 'Elf' movie. Buddy has made husband jump several times, much to my amusement. 

I'm trying to think of places to hide Buddy to continue being amused. 

We decided that as yesterday was a rainy day we wouldn't go far, but would go somewhere. In the end Polesden Lacey won, we had a nice hot baked potato and a good wander around the grounds - plus they had their deckchairs out, always a good move. 

Sadly my birthday cake is too sweet for my tastebuds, but I'm determined to have some soon. 

Stick-y.

Today I finally did it. I got into the car, we were driving to hospital, and I suddenly realised...

"I've forgotten my stick!"

We probably could have gone home to get it, but I figured I probably would be okay without it, and if I needed one I could borrow one from the hospital. 

But yes, today I went out without my stick. Getting out of the car was interesting. My legs seized up as well by the time I got home - which was a good excuse for an oily E45 bath to make my skin nicer anyway.... 

When I was getting a cannula fitted into my arm for them to add dye to me at the relevant part of the scan, another nurse was asked to do it as apparently "you were moving too much" - I had the most pain at one point where I was saying "ow! ow!" rather a lot. I never get like that....

Anyway, nurse #2 was asking some questions about my chemo side effects and said the magical words "Do you get a pins and needle feeling in your hands?" Yes! Yes I do! My Electric feelings! This was the first time someone had confirmed they knew someone else who had that feeling which has done a lot for my overall confidence. She then proceeded to tell me how her friend still doesn't have feelings in her hands six years later but we'll skip that one. 

Burpday

"Happy Birthday!" said the National Trust lady as she scanned my card.

I was impressed, I had never had this happen before.

"Is it in your systems?" I asked

"No, you're wearing a badge...."

Oops. I forgot.