No Emotions

 This is something I've been wondering about writing about, my lack of emotions with everything. Now, don't get me wrong - I laugh, I giggle, but the laughter and giggles that come out are different to how they used to be. Things I used to find very funny I'm not howling with laughter about any more. Things that would get a reaction from me are met with a quieter laugh.

I know I'm dealing with a lot with the brain tumour, I would like to add that these whole two months I've known about what's going on in my head I also haven't cried. No tears. I was expecting tears to come at some point, but two months in and nothing, nada. Tears, where are you? 

Maybe it's me and my positive outlook (while things are still quite vague) and it's keeping those emotions away, but I'm surprised with laughter. I mean, I can watch an entire Taskmaster episode and laugh a LOT. The current series has just finished and I know I wasn't as cheery as I would be normally. So this leaves me curious - has the craniotomy knocked my emotions somewhere else? Will they come back? 

Healing-wise I've found that some things which were different after the operation are now back to normal, whereas other things are still in limbo. So for example, when I forgot words (regular words like 'chair'), that no longer happens unless I get tired. I can't open my jaw very wide still, that doesn't seem to have changed and I forget to put less food on my fork. There are other things which didn't work before the operation and do now, but the most emotional of emotions, they seem to have disappeared. 

Which leaves an empty feeling, where there could be tears there aren't, where there could be laughter there's quiet. Of course I Dr Googled it to see if it was a known side effect of my operation, and it's on the list - so I'm adding this to my "things I hope get better" pile, knowing it may well not. 

I'm absolutely fine about it, by the way. Not worried. I have too much other stuff to think about really. Just logging it here....