Well, tomorrow morning it does anyway. Those lasers are going to blast away the roots and buy me some time. We've had good news today that the roots should respond to the chemo which is good and helpful. See, when they do tests for all the various things, you don't get everything back straight away. Sometimes it takes weeks - like now. Finding out that things have a good chance of working is a good confidence boost when you're hitting that feeling that it's going to be a really tough slog.
Which it is - that doesn't change - but it's a bit of good news, and I'll take every bit of good news I can get.
Overall I feel positive, a bit nervous and ready to start. Support is in place, lots and lots of it from everything everywhere (it definitely feels that way anyway). I'm nervous but once I've done the process the once it'll be time to get into a routine which will be easy enough. I'm lucky in that the radiotherapy shouldn't take longer than 10-15 minutes though tomorrow will be a longer one with it being the first session.
I guess I'm moving on from the patient who was half asleep stuck in hospital, raising my arm for blood pressure/blood tests/diabetes tests when the nurses came into the room, to the patient who can escape but still has stuff pumped into her to kill off the tumour as much as we can. I'm accepting of that and that makes everything a lot easier to deal with. I'm sure as side effects of the treatment kick in around half way I'll start feeling sorry for myself and will wish for healthier days.
I also found out a few things yesterday and alas, entered the world of Dr Google. Never a good move.
There's a good chance with this treatment I could end up incontinent. Oh joy. Well we can deal with that can't we peri/menopausal women? Let's just hope it's not too horrid. It brings back pregnancy reminders but of course I'd get the signal to my brain that I needed to go, so we'll have to see what happens there. Keep everything crossed oh toilet gods wherever you may be, and please don't make it too much hassle. Please.
I'm likely to lose my hair at the front. I can deal with that, and if somewhere further down the line I'm rocking a good Dave Hill from Slade hairdo I will do it in style. (or at least, try, might be too tired)
The fatigue is the one I think will get me. I enjoy being tired and sleeping because it makes up for the YEARS I've not been able to sleep properly. New parent? No sleep. Obvs. Teething baby? No sleep, obvs - although to be fair she was always really good and only had a bad night a week before a tooth cut through so I think we got lucky on that front. The colic, lesser so.
The one that won't leave my head though, the boyband The Wanted. Their singer had a brain tumour. So I went to see what type it was - a glioblastoma. He had 18 months. He deteriorated quickly at the end not long after his tumour had started to shrink a bit. So in some ways it's a wake up call - I know that if things seem positive that doesn't lead to the same outcome. Everything I'm doing right now buys me more time. People can live for 10 years (a very low percentage, but it does happen). I just need to keep strong and have lots of support.
I need to read more information. Knowledge is power. It's also too much information and I might become irritating. I'll really try not to. Pinky promise.
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